Sod this for a game of soldiers!

Sod This

Well sod this for a game of soldiers! After only two days of the chemical treatment I have had enough.
I feel as if I am living in someone else’s body, one racked by a cross between indigestion and flu, and tortured by constant aches and pains in my joints, even joints I hardly knew I had.
At night I feel as if I am wearing a spiked, bony corset which sticks in my breasts and ribs. I am thirsty all the time, have to drink more water, so have to get up at least three times in the night to pee.
When I got back from the hospital on Wednesday, after the first chemo, I did a bit of gardening and got a few scratches on my wrist. Now I have an infection in my arm, a hard, broad red line racing up my arm. Perhaps it will kill me? I have to think about such odd things now, and do something about it quickly.
Four and a half months of this caution and curtailment, – on the bright side I suppose I could look on it as a time to think, read, rest, listen. A space where I don’t have to blame myself for anything too much, or berate myself for not achieving anything. How I long to be n a beach somewhere, with all this behind me.